Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)

This film picks up from where the last film left off, with clairvoyant,  Elise, stuck in a trance trying to free Josh Lambert from the other world, while her two assistants Tucker and Specs, and fellow clairvoyant, Carl, try to figure out how to bring them back.

The plot has just too many holes and was poorly put together. To be honest, I thought about turning it off a few times, it was just predictable and boring. The strange overuse of bright colors on the sets didn't add atmosphere, but rather made the film feel childish and unconvincing.

One of the few high points in the film is the scene where Carl tries to draw out the evil spirit that's possessing Josh Lambert, and the ensuing fight between Josh, Carl, Tucker and Specs.



The only scene I found really creepy or scary was the scene when the girl ran out of the boys closet, and started talking to him through the string and can. The acting from Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne was pretty good, as is the case in the other films they acted in together in. The special effects were good, just poorly used, as the films contained no big scares of any kind. If a third film is in the pipeline things are gonna have to improve, James Wan really dropped the ball with this one.

Come on James Wan you can do better than this!

Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)

This film picks up from where the last film left off, with clairvoyant,  Elise, stuck in a trance trying to free Josh Lambert from the other world, while her two assistants Tucker and Specs, and fellow clairvoyant, Carl, try to figure out how to bring them back.

The plot has just too many holes and was poorly put together. To be honest, I thought about turning it off a few times, it was just predictable and boring. The strange overuse of bright colors on the sets didn't add atmosphere, but rather made the film feel childish and unconvincing.

One of the few high points in the film is the scene where Carl tries to draw out the evil spirit that's possessing Josh Lambert, and the ensuing fight between Josh, Carl, Tucker and Specs.



The only scene I found really creepy or scary was the scene when the girl ran out of the boys closet, and started talking to him through the string and can. The acting from Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne was pretty good, as is the case in the other films they acted in together in. The special effects were good, just poorly used, as the films contained no big scares of any kind. If a third film is in the pipeline things are gonna have to improve, James Wan really dropped the ball with this one.

Come on James Wan you can do better than this!

V/H/S 2 (2013)

Unlike previous horror anthologies like Creepshow and Trick 'r Treat ,V/H/S 2 fails to deliver on what was a good idea.

Found footage films are usually cheap, low budget affairs, and must be done right to have the desired affect; not many films have achieved this, with the exception of  REC, REC 2, The Blair Witch Project, and The Last Broadcast. V/H/S 2  takes found footage and anthology horror and puts the two together. The result is the horror equivalent of  "You've Been Framed".

The film is basically made up of four found footage shorts, the of which is a tale about a man who has an experimental eye implant that makes him see ghosts, which is all shot in the first person perspective of his eye implant. The hole thing feels like you're playing a survival horror video game, the ghosts look like the ghosts in games like Resident Evil or Silent Hill. The digital interference that keeps cutting into the display of his implant video, is cheap and video game looking. The film just follows him around his house trying to get away from the comically bad looking ghosts that aren't scary at all. Its just a really silly and boring film.

The second film is basically like a bad episode of  The Walking Dead, in which a man (conveniently wearing a helmet cam) sets out on a bike ride through the woods, and is suddenly attacked by a pack of zombies.  To cut a long story short,  he gets bitten, becomes a zombie, and runs around the woods infecting unsuspecting bikers and hikers before taking part in a blood bath at a camp site, where he and the pack of zombie tear apart a group of people celebrating a birthday party. Its all predictable, boring, and some of the acting is truly zombies-like.

This third film is about a team of journalists who go into a monastery school of some kind which is run by mad man. It turns out the loon and his followers are all devil worshipers, and intend to kill all of the journalists, besides a pregnant one, who they intend to use as a sacrifice so the devil.

I quite liked this one. Its the best episode in the film. The special effects were "ok" with some truly stomach churning moments. When the devil eventually surfaces and is let loose from the monastery, he takes chase after the only surviving journalist. When he finally catches up with him, the devil himself looks like a cheap donkey costume with horns on the head, its really comical. Overall though, this one wasn't bad at all.

The final short film, is set in a lake side house in which a group of middle-class teenagers are having a sleepover/party. The camera work is done by one of the kids as they document their exploits. They start playing pranks on each other during the night. During one such prank, a bright light suddenly engulfs the house -- coming from the direction of the lake. The house starts shacking, the lights flicker off, and then suddenly aliens with extremely long fingers burst into the house, and start terrorizing the group of teens. The aliens don't probe the idiot teens, but instead display their staggering ineptitude when it comes to kidnapping. They are within two feet of all of the group many times, but instead of grabbing or fingering them, they lightly stroke them and dance like homos. In the end no one gets fingered, the aliens go away and book some dancing lessons.

At the end of the day, V/H/S/2 is three poorly made low budget short films and one passable one. I hope the current surge of found footage films ends with this terrible example, because the fad is wearing a little thin. Don't be in a rush to see this one.

The NHS keeps getting worse..


Despite being mediocre overall, there are some great gore moments in this film, especially in the monastery episode. The zombie film also produced some good blood spurting and flesh eating moments as well. A solid four gore-bucket film.

V/H/S 2 (2013)

Unlike previous horror anthologies like Creepshow and Trick 'r Treat ,V/H/S 2 fails to deliver on what was a good idea.

Found footage films are usually cheap, low budget affairs, and must be done right to have the desired affect; not many films have achieved this, with the exception of  REC, REC 2, The Blair Witch Project, and The Last Broadcast. V/H/S 2  takes found footage and anthology horror and puts the two together. The result is the horror equivalent of  "You've Been Framed".

The film is basically made up of four found footage shorts, the of which is a tale about a man who has an experimental eye implant that makes him see ghosts, which is all shot in the first person perspective of his eye implant. The hole thing feels like you're playing a survival horror video game, the ghosts look like the ghosts in games like Resident Evil or Silent Hill. The digital interference that keeps cutting into the display of his implant video, is cheap and video game looking. The film just follows him around his house trying to get away from the comically bad looking ghosts that aren't scary at all. Its just a really silly and boring film.

The second film is basically like a bad episode of  The Walking Dead, in which a man (conveniently wearing a helmet cam) sets out on a bike ride through the woods, and is suddenly attacked by a pack of zombies.  To cut a long story short,  he gets bitten, becomes a zombie, and runs around the woods infecting unsuspecting bikers and hikers before taking part in a blood bath at a camp site, where he and the pack of zombie tear apart a group of people celebrating a birthday party. Its all predictable, boring, and some of the acting is truly zombies-like.

This third film is about a team of journalists who go into a monastery school of some kind which is run by mad man. It turns out the loon and his followers are all devil worshipers, and intend to kill all of the journalists, besides a pregnant one, who they intend to use as a sacrifice so the devil.

I quite liked this one. Its the best episode in the film. The special effects were "ok" with some truly stomach churning moments. When the devil eventually surfaces and is let loose from the monastery, he takes chase after the only surviving journalist. When he finally catches up with him, the devil himself looks like a cheap donkey costume with horns on the head, its really comical. Overall though, this one wasn't bad at all.

The final short film, is set in a lake side house in which a group of middle-class teenagers are having a sleepover/party. The camera work is done by one of the kids as they document their exploits. They start playing pranks on each other during the night. During one such prank, a bright light suddenly engulfs the house -- coming from the direction of the lake. The house starts shacking, the lights flicker off, and then suddenly aliens with extremely long fingers burst into the house, and start terrorizing the group of teens. The aliens don't probe the idiot teens, but instead display their staggering ineptitude when it comes to kidnapping. They are within two feet of all of the group many times, but instead of grabbing or fingering them, they lightly stroke them and dance like homos. In the end no one gets fingered, the aliens go away and book some dancing lessons.

At the end of the day, V/H/S/2 is three poorly made low budget short films and one passable one. I hope the current surge of found footage films ends with this terrible example, because the fad is wearing a little thin. Don't be in a rush to see this one.

The NHS keeps getting worse..


Despite being mediocre overall, there are some great gore moments in this film, especially in the monastery episode. The zombie film also produced some good blood spurting and flesh eating moments as well. A solid four gore-bucket film.

I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)

The original I Spit On Your Grave, was one of the infamous video nasties of the 70's and 80's. The remake of 2010 was even better in my opinion -- more disturbing and extreme then it 70's predecessor-- with some truly brilliant revenge scenes.

I Spit On Your Grave 2 follows the life of a budding young fashion model, Katie, who is trying to find work in New York. She stubble's upon an advert for a photo shoot were shes photographed by some eastern European creep and his friends.

One of the bunch takes a liking to her--a retarded looking looser wearing thick glasses-- remind you of anyone? Anyway, she arrives home and is attacked and raped by the aforementioned retard and his fashion photographer friends. She is knocked unconscious and the next day wakes up, hog tied, lying on a dirty mattress in a basement somewhere.

The films unfolds into a web of conspiracy and depravity, with Katie taking out her revenge in savage and brutal ways. But heres the problem, the film was basically the first I Spit On Your Grave, with different people and locations. There was nothing surprising, and the film was 90% predictable up to the point of the final revenge deaths, which were brutal and gory but at the same time completely diabolical. The way Katie finds all the instruments of torture she needs just strune around a sewer is just ridiculous, and she even manages to find an electric supply down there as well-- I mean come on!

 

Overall very poor, and should not have been made. I Spit On Your Grave is one of those films that should remain a singular endeavour, anything else, and you'll have the film equivalent of the Call of Duty games.

Laundry day....

As expected, some real nasty scenes in this film, including a testicle crushing

I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)

The original I Spit On Your Grave, was one of the infamous video nasties of the 70's and 80's. The remake of 2010 was even better in my opinion -- more disturbing and extreme then it 70's predecessor-- with some truly brilliant revenge scenes.

I Spit On Your Grave 2 follows the life of a budding young fashion model, Katie, who is trying to find work in New York. She stubble's upon an advert for a photo shoot were shes photographed by some eastern European creep and his friends.

One of the bunch takes a liking to her--a retarded looking looser wearing thick glasses-- remind you of anyone? Anyway, she arrives home and is attacked and raped by the aforementioned retard and his fashion photographer friends. She is knocked unconscious and the next day wakes up, hog tied, lying on a dirty mattress in a basement somewhere.

The films unfolds into a web of conspiracy and depravity, with Katie taking out her revenge in savage and brutal ways. But heres the problem, the film was basically the first I Spit On Your Grave, with different people and locations. There was nothing surprising, and the film was 90% predictable up to the point of the final revenge deaths, which were brutal and gory but at the same time completely diabolical. The way Katie finds all the instruments of torture she needs just strune around a sewer is just ridiculous, and she even manages to find an electric supply down there as well-- I mean come on!

 

Overall very poor, and should not have been made. I Spit On Your Grave is one of those films that should remain a singular endeavour, anything else, and you'll have the film equivalent of the Call of Duty games.

Laundry day....

As expected, some real nasty scenes in this film, including a testicle crushing

Machete Kills (2013)

I told myself not to take any of Machete Kills seriously before watching. I didn't, and I still struggled thought it, the script was shocking. The film starts with Machete and his partner busting in on a weapons deal between the US army and a Mexican cartel resulting in lots of gunfire and truly shocking dialogue.

Machete is later recruited by the president played by Charlie Sheen, to stop a revolutionary terrorist,who suffers from split personality disorder, from launching an nuclear strike against the US. The rest of the film basically evolves Machete mutilating and killing as many people as possible.

Some of the death scenes are so ridiculous they are actually hilarious, the intestines helicopter death is the best of all. The film is just a showcase of extreme gore and violence with no discernible plot. Just as I thought things couldn't get any worst --Lady Gaga shows up in usual brightly colored attire, attempting to act and failing miserably-- I was even more surprised to see Mel Gibson within a thousand miles of this film.

The one thing that really irritated me was the use of CGI blood everywhere. I mean what happened to practical effects? Even the gunshot wounds were CGI, that's just lazy. Anyway you look at it, lots of explosions and chopping people up doesn't make up for a shocking script, bad acting and ridiculous dialogue. And we still have Machete in Space to look forward to.

Machete Kills (2013)

I told myself not to take any of Machete Kills seriously before watching. I didn't, and I still struggled thought it, the script was shocking. The film starts with Machete and his partner busting in on a weapons deal between the US army and a Mexican cartel resulting in lots of gunfire and truly shocking dialogue.

Machete is later recruited by the president played by Charlie Sheen, to stop a revolutionary terrorist,who suffers from split personality disorder, from launching an nuclear strike against the US. The rest of the film basically evolves Machete mutilating and killing as many people as possible.

Some of the death scenes are so ridiculous they are actually hilarious, the intestines helicopter death is the best of all. The film is just a showcase of extreme gore and violence with no discernible plot. Just as I thought things couldn't get any worst --Lady Gaga shows up in usual brightly colored attire, attempting to act and failing miserably-- I was even more surprised to see Mel Gibson within a thousand miles of this film.

The one thing that really irritated me was the use of CGI blood everywhere. I mean what happened to practical effects? Even the gunshot wounds were CGI, that's just lazy. Anyway you look at it, lots of explosions and chopping people up doesn't make up for a shocking script, bad acting and ridiculous dialogue. And we still have Machete in Space to look forward to.