Godzilla (2014)

Well, where to start?  To be honest, I’m still in shock. I was so looking forward to this after seeing the trailer, but what a monstrous disappointment it’s turned out to be (pun indented)

The title of the film should have been: Cloverfield Monster vs The American Army plus Godzilla. In the whole 2 hour running length of the film, Godzilla appeared 4 times, and for a total of about 20 minutes. The first half hour involves Bryan Cranston’s character searching the world for the monster that killed his wife when it attacked the nuclear plant she worked at 15 years earlier… He eventually discovers that the mysterious beast is being held captive at secret base, run by an annoying scientist played Ken Watanabe.

Watanabe and his scientific college (an annoying women who looks like a frog) advise the army throughout the film.  They both seemed to have contracted ‘locked jaw’ because their response to any crisis or question, was to look down at their feet, move slowly and dramatically towards to camera (jaws trailing on the floor), and state the obvious.

Everything happened at a thousand miles per hour, leaving no time for character development, or a discernible plot of any kind. There was the usual cheesy one-liners,  ridiculous posturing American army, lots of grunting and saluting – what you’d expect from an action film this – only worse.

The only highlights were the battles between Godzilla (in his rare appearances) and the Cloverfield monster. I have to admit, Gareth Edwards actually did a great job with the look of Godzilla . He looked much more like the classic beast we know from the Japanese films, and not like the giant iguana that Roland Emmerich crapped out.

Great monster battles and CGI don’t make up for a horrendous plot. At times, I actually thought I was watching a Transformers film. Gareth Edwards may have been out of his depth with this, seeing as his previous films were low budget indie films, which is a shame because I really liked his first film: Monsters. I hope that, if there is to be a sequel, they will learn from their mistakes .

Godzilla (2014)

Well, where to start?  To be honest, I’m still in shock. I was so looking forward to this after seeing the trailer, but what a monstrous disappointment it’s turned out to be (pun indented)

The title of the film should have been: Cloverfield Monster vs The American Army plus Godzilla. In the whole 2 hour running length of the film, Godzilla appeared 4 times, and for a total of about 20 minutes. The first half hour involves Bryan Cranston’s character searching the world for the monster that killed his wife when it attacked the nuclear plant she worked at 15 years earlier… He eventually discovers that the mysterious beast is being held captive at secret base, run by an annoying scientist played Ken Watanabe.

Watanabe and his scientific college (an annoying women who looks like a frog) advise the army throughout the film.  They both seemed to have contracted ‘locked jaw’ because their response to any crisis or question, was to look down at their feet, move slowly and dramatically towards to camera (jaws trailing on the floor), and state the obvious.

Everything happened at a thousand miles per hour, leaving no time for character development, or a discernible plot of any kind. There was the usual cheesy one-liners,  ridiculous posturing American army, lots of grunting and saluting – what you’d expect from an action film this – only worse.

The only highlights were the battles between Godzilla (in his rare appearances) and the Cloverfield monster. I have to admit, Gareth Edwards actually did a great job with the look of Godzilla . He looked much more like the classic beast we know from the Japanese films, and not like the giant iguana that Roland Emmerich crapped out.

Great monster battles and CGI don’t make up for a horrendous plot. At times, I actually thought I was watching a Transformers film. Gareth Edwards may have been out of his depth with this, seeing as his previous films were low budget indie films, which is a shame because I really liked his first film: Monsters. I hope that, if there is to be a sequel, they will learn from their mistakes .

Tremors (1990)

Tremors is a classic B-movie monster movie, and one of my all-time favorite films. Set in a small Nevada town called perfection, the film mostly revolves around to local handymen, Valentine McGee (Kevin Bacon) and Earl Bassett (Fred Ward). The two soon realize that the residents of the small are not alone in the baron dessert valley, when they discover a giant thirty-foot-long underground worm. 

Ward and Bacon suit their characters perfectly, Ward being the grumpy old redneck and Bacon the cocky young cowboy wannabe. My favorite character, however, has always been Burt Gummer (Micheal Gross). A local gun enthusiast who had previously been mocked by the towns folk for his lifestyle, soon becomes their lifeline. My favorite scene of the whole film is the one when one of the Graboids breaks into Burt's basement, and he, and his wife Heather kill it with a hail of bullets from their sizable gun collection, with Burt eventually finishing the creature off with two blast of his Elephant Gun.

Burt and Heather Gummer

The practical special effects in the film were groundbreaking at the time and still look convincing to this day. You won't see any CGI in this film, which is a refreshing change, there's nothing like good honest practical effects. The only film that I can really compare it to in terms of practical effects is The Thing (1982). 

The film is a mix of comedy, monster movie, and western. - an unlikely mix of genres that works perfectly in this case. The comedy in the film comes from Val and Earls constant wisecracking, and also the over-the-top reactions and statements of the crazy gun-nut Burt. As well as comedy, the film has some genuine 'make you jump' moments - which are well-timed and put together. Everything happens at a brisk pace, maintaining the tension throughout - hence the 90 minute running time. 

Tremors is a quick, fun, action comedy horror, which has cemented its place as one the best monster movies ever made (in my opinion).

Tremors (1990)

Tremors is a classic B-movie monster movie, and one of my all-time favorite films. Set in a small Nevada town called perfection, the film mostly revolves around to local handymen, Valentine McGee (Kevin Bacon) and Earl Bassett (Fred Ward). The two soon realize that the residents of the small are not alone in the baron dessert valley, when they discover a giant thirty-foot-long underground worm. 

Ward and Bacon suit their characters perfectly, Ward being the grumpy old redneck and Bacon the cocky young cowboy wannabe. My favorite character, however, has always been Burt Gummer (Micheal Gross). A local gun enthusiast who had previously been mocked by the towns folk for his lifestyle, soon becomes their lifeline. My favorite scene of the whole film is the one when one of the Graboids breaks into Burt's basement, and he, and his wife Heather kill it with a hail of bullets from their sizable gun collection, with Burt eventually finishing the creature off with two blast of his Elephant Gun.

Burt and Heather Gummer

The practical special effects in the film were groundbreaking at the time and still look convincing to this day. You won't see any CGI in this film, which is a refreshing change, there's nothing like good honest practical effects. The only film that I can really compare it to in terms of practical effects is The Thing (1982). 

The film is a mix of comedy, monster movie, and western. - an unlikely mix of genres that works perfectly in this case. The comedy in the film comes from Val and Earls constant wisecracking, and also the over-the-top reactions and statements of the crazy gun-nut Burt. As well as comedy, the film has some genuine 'make you jump' moments - which are well-timed and put together. Everything happens at a brisk pace, maintaining the tension throughout - hence the 90 minute running time. 

Tremors is a quick, fun, action comedy horror, which has cemented its place as one the best monster movies ever made (in my opinion).

Arachnophibia (1990)

As an arachnophobe myself this film always used to give the creeps. I'd always be looking around checking for spiders in the house after watching it.

Starring Jeff Daniels as a doctor who moves from the city to a small country town to take a job as the towns doctor. Soon after his arrival he learns that one of the locals was recently killed during a south American rain Forrest expedition, and the body has been returned home for the funeral - accompanied by a nasty hitchhiker.

The spider soon starts reproducing, and its offspring start killing the towns folk. After an elderly resident is killed, an exterminator is called in - Delbert McClintock (John Goodman).

Delbert is a comic relief of the film. He's a bubbling oaf who sees himself  as some kind of insect expert. He is soon accompanied by a professor and his assistant, who together try to prevent the spread of the infestation, and the search for the spider's nest. The film is a fun comedy creature flick, with colorful characters and a solid script.

The death scenes are really creepy and involve the spiders entering the bodies and draining the blood of their victims, and the biggest of the spiders is huge and give me the chills.

The only weakness in the film is the acting from some of the minor characters, and the special effects are looking a bit dated now. That said, Arachnophobia is a classic, and will remain one of my all time favorite b-movie horrors.

Arachnophibia (1990)

As an arachnophobe myself this film always used to give the creeps. I'd always be looking around checking for spiders in the house after watching it.

Starring Jeff Daniels as a doctor who moves from the city to a small country town to take a job as the towns doctor. Soon after his arrival he learns that one of the locals was recently killed during a south American rain Forrest expedition, and the body has been returned home for the funeral - accompanied by a nasty hitchhiker.

The spider soon starts reproducing, and its offspring start killing the towns folk. After an elderly resident is killed, an exterminator is called in - Delbert McClintock (John Goodman).

Delbert is a comic relief of the film. He's a bubbling oaf who sees himself  as some kind of insect expert. He is soon accompanied by a professor and his assistant, who together try to prevent the spread of the infestation, and the search for the spider's nest. The film is a fun comedy creature flick, with colorful characters and a solid script.

The death scenes are really creepy and involve the spiders entering the bodies and draining the blood of their victims, and the biggest of the spiders is huge and give me the chills.

The only weakness in the film is the acting from some of the minor characters, and the special effects are looking a bit dated now. That said, Arachnophobia is a classic, and will remain one of my all time favorite b-movie horrors.

Big Ass Spider (2013)

Compared to the recent b-movie horrors released in the last few years - Big Ass Spider! is one of the better ones, with half decent CGI and some pretty good laughs along the way.

The film starts with a scene of apocalypse, with a gigantic spider destroying skyscrapers in downtown L.A. The only thing that stands in the way of the city being destroyed is Alex Mathis, an exterminator played by Greg "Heroes" Grunberg. After the premonition of destruction scene at the start, the film really starts when Alex Mathis is bitten by a spider while on a job. He's goes to the nearby hospital and has an injection of  anti-venom. Just as he is leaving the hospital, the fire alarm goes off..

The alarm was raised by a pathologist who claims to have been attacked by a huge spider that hatched out of corpse he was working on., Alex is called upon to hunt down the spider.

It soon becomes apparent that this is no ordinary spider, and the military soon arrive to quarantine the hospital. The spider gets bigger and bigger with the more people that it kills and soon escapes the hospital, and goes on a rampage around L.A, followed closely along the way by Alex Mathis and a security guard he met at the hospital.

During his attempt to kill the spider Alex meets an attractive blonde army Sergent - in fact all the women in this film are attractive and have big tits . The death scenes mostly evolve scantly clad women being crushed by the spider. The rest of the film is made up of: swimsuit models running about screaming with their tits bouncing around and cheesy one-liners are what make this film so ridiculous but at the same time so entertaining.

Big Ass Spider! is probably the best b-movie horror of the last five years. A quick popcorn action comedy that shouldn't be taken too seriously. 

Major Braxton Tanner: "Good God!"

Big Ass Spider (2013)

Compared to the recent b-movie horrors released in the last few years - Big Ass Spider! is one of the better ones, with half decent CGI and some pretty good laughs along the way.

The film starts with a scene of apocalypse, with a gigantic spider destroying skyscrapers in downtown L.A. The only thing that stands in the way of the city being destroyed is Alex Mathis, an exterminator played by Greg "Heroes" Grunberg. After the premonition of destruction scene at the start, the film really starts when Alex Mathis is bitten by a spider while on a job. He's goes to the nearby hospital and has an injection of  anti-venom. Just as he is leaving the hospital, the fire alarm goes off..

The alarm was raised by a pathologist who claims to have been attacked by a huge spider that hatched out of corpse he was working on., Alex is called upon to hunt down the spider.

It soon becomes apparent that this is no ordinary spider, and the military soon arrive to quarantine the hospital. The spider gets bigger and bigger with the more people that it kills and soon escapes the hospital, and goes on a rampage around L.A, followed closely along the way by Alex Mathis and a security guard he met at the hospital.

During his attempt to kill the spider Alex meets an attractive blonde army Sergent - in fact all the women in this film are attractive and have big tits . The death scenes mostly evolve scantly clad women being crushed by the spider. The rest of the film is made up of: swimsuit models running about screaming with their tits bouncing around and cheesy one-liners are what make this film so ridiculous but at the same time so entertaining.

Big Ass Spider! is probably the best b-movie horror of the last five years. A quick popcorn action comedy that shouldn't be taken too seriously. 

Major Braxton Tanner: "Good God!"

The Thing (1982)

The Thing is one of my favorite horror films, and in my opinion John Carpenters best. The combination of groundbreaking practical special effects, and a great script and cast, make The Thing a true classic. I must have seen the film at least forty times, and every time I've enjoyed it just as much as the first.

The plot follows a scientific research team stationed in Antarctica; who find an alien creature buried in the antarctic ice. Over the course of the film the mysterious creature begins to absorb and duplicate the team members. The tension and suspense builds slowly as the team members begin to suspect each other. They all begin to loose the plot. he The lead scientist of the team, Dr. Blair, completely looses it and destroys all the radios leaving the group stranded.

The one thing that has made the film stand out over the years are the special effects, which still hold there own against today's CGI laden affairs. The animatronics in the film are some of the best ever seen. The only film that comes close to the The Thing in terms of practical effects is Tremors (1990), another classic.

Kirk Russell plays the strongest character, Helicopter pilot M.J. MacReady. Russell's performed is superb. He takes charge towards the end, and using a test devised by the teams doctor, Dr Copper, he forces the elusive creature out into the open. Slowly the remaining team members become victims of The Thing, leaving only two left at the end. The film ends on one of the biggest cliffhangers ever.

Thirty years on and The Thing is just as fresh,exiting, and trilling as ever, and is a must watch, both for horror fans and others alike.

 

Who bought that cheap soap!

There are some great gore effects in the film. The highlights being the transformations of the dogs in the kennels, and Palmer's transformation in the image above. The scene when they all cut their fingers open to draw blood always makes my skin crawl as well.

 

MacReady: If we've got any surprises for each other, I don't think we're in much shape to do anything about it.

Childs: Well, what do we do?

MacReady: Why don't we just... wait here for a little while... see what happens?

The Thing (1982)

The Thing is one of my favorite horror films, and in my opinion John Carpenters best. The combination of groundbreaking practical special effects, and a great script and cast, make The Thing a true classic. I must have seen the film at least forty times, and every time I've enjoyed it just as much as the first.

The plot follows a scientific research team stationed in Antarctica; who find an alien creature buried in the antarctic ice. Over the course of the film the mysterious creature begins to absorb and duplicate the team members. The tension and suspense builds slowly as the team members begin to suspect each other. They all begin to loose the plot. he The lead scientist of the team, Dr. Blair, completely looses it and destroys all the radios leaving the group stranded.

The one thing that has made the film stand out over the years are the special effects, which still hold there own against today's CGI laden affairs. The animatronics in the film are some of the best ever seen. The only film that comes close to the The Thing in terms of practical effects is Tremors (1990), another classic.

Kirk Russell plays the strongest character, Helicopter pilot M.J. MacReady. Russell's performed is superb. He takes charge towards the end, and using a test devised by the teams doctor, Dr Copper, he forces the elusive creature out into the open. Slowly the remaining team members become victims of The Thing, leaving only two left at the end. The film ends on one of the biggest cliffhangers ever.

Thirty years on and The Thing is just as fresh,exiting, and trilling as ever, and is a must watch, both for horror fans and others alike.

 

Who bought that cheap soap!

There are some great gore effects in the film. The highlights being the transformations of the dogs in the kennels, and Palmer's transformation in the image above. The scene when they all cut their fingers open to draw blood always makes my skin crawl as well.

 

MacReady: If we've got any surprises for each other, I don't think we're in much shape to do anything about it.

Childs: Well, what do we do?

MacReady: Why don't we just... wait here for a little while... see what happens?