Phantoms (1998)

Part of the 90's teen horror fad, Phantoms is one of the best teen horrors released in that decade. Starring a young Ben Affleck,  Liev Schreiber, and Joanna Going. The film is set in a small mountain town in Colorado. 150 of the towns folk are dead and 350 are missing. Joanna Going and her sister return to the small town (their home town) to find the place deserted. They soon find Ben Affleck (the towns sheriff) and Liev Schreiber his deputy.

The group roam around the small town trying to figure out has happened to its population. The film reminds me a bit of The Andromeda Strain -- with the eery , dark atmosphere of the deserted town. Strange things start happening to the group of survivors, they start finding piles of jewelry that appear from no where, receive strange phone calls, and a giant bat-like creature attacks them. 

Eventually the army arrives, along with Peter O'Toole. O'Toole is a journalist and paranormal investigator of sorts, he believes the town is infected by an ancient evil for that has existed inside the earth for million of years . 

O'Tooles performance, as always, out classes the rest of the cast. Affleck is good as well, and Phantoms remains my favorite Affleck performance. The army send a team of scientists and marines in to try and kill the creature. Things soon go wrong and the creature starts to infect the scientists by injecting them with a  black oil like goo that turns them into pawns of the giant melevilent creature. 

The special effects are quiet good, with some decent CGI for the time. The script was original and the acting from all is very good (for a teen horror anyway) O'Toole eventually comes up with a scientific method of killing the creature. It's a race against time for the few remaining survivors to kill the creature before the it escapes the town and spreads.

A few gory moments here and there but nothing to write home about. The film is more atmospheric then an gore-fest.

 

 

Phantoms (1998)

Part of the 90's teen horror fad, Phantoms is one of the best teen horrors released in that decade. Starring a young Ben Affleck,  Liev Schreiber, and Joanna Going. The film is set in a small mountain town in Colorado. 150 of the towns folk are dead and 350 are missing. Joanna Going and her sister return to the small town (their home town) to find the place deserted. They soon find Ben Affleck (the towns sheriff) and Liev Schreiber his deputy.

The group roam around the small town trying to figure out has happened to its population. The film reminds me a bit of The Andromeda Strain -- with the eery , dark atmosphere of the deserted town. Strange things start happening to the group of survivors, they start finding piles of jewelry that appear from no where, receive strange phone calls, and a giant bat-like creature attacks them. 

Eventually the army arrives, along with Peter O'Toole. O'Toole is a journalist and paranormal investigator of sorts, he believes the town is infected by an ancient evil for that has existed inside the earth for million of years . 

O'Tooles performance, as always, out classes the rest of the cast. Affleck is good as well, and Phantoms remains my favorite Affleck performance. The army send a team of scientists and marines in to try and kill the creature. Things soon go wrong and the creature starts to infect the scientists by injecting them with a  black oil like goo that turns them into pawns of the giant melevilent creature. 

The special effects are quiet good, with some decent CGI for the time. The script was original and the acting from all is very good (for a teen horror anyway) O'Toole eventually comes up with a scientific method of killing the creature. It's a race against time for the few remaining survivors to kill the creature before the it escapes the town and spreads.

A few gory moments here and there but nothing to write home about. The film is more atmospheric then an gore-fest.

 

 

V/H/S 2 (2013)

Unlike previous horror anthologies like Creepshow and Trick 'r Treat ,V/H/S 2 fails to deliver on what was a good idea.

Found footage films are usually cheap, low budget affairs, and must be done right to have the desired affect; not many films have achieved this, with the exception of  REC, REC 2, The Blair Witch Project, and The Last Broadcast. V/H/S 2  takes found footage and anthology horror and puts the two together. The result is the horror equivalent of  "You've Been Framed".

The film is basically made up of four found footage shorts, the of which is a tale about a man who has an experimental eye implant that makes him see ghosts, which is all shot in the first person perspective of his eye implant. The hole thing feels like you're playing a survival horror video game, the ghosts look like the ghosts in games like Resident Evil or Silent Hill. The digital interference that keeps cutting into the display of his implant video, is cheap and video game looking. The film just follows him around his house trying to get away from the comically bad looking ghosts that aren't scary at all. Its just a really silly and boring film.

The second film is basically like a bad episode of  The Walking Dead, in which a man (conveniently wearing a helmet cam) sets out on a bike ride through the woods, and is suddenly attacked by a pack of zombies.  To cut a long story short,  he gets bitten, becomes a zombie, and runs around the woods infecting unsuspecting bikers and hikers before taking part in a blood bath at a camp site, where he and the pack of zombie tear apart a group of people celebrating a birthday party. Its all predictable, boring, and some of the acting is truly zombies-like.

This third film is about a team of journalists who go into a monastery school of some kind which is run by mad man. It turns out the loon and his followers are all devil worshipers, and intend to kill all of the journalists, besides a pregnant one, who they intend to use as a sacrifice so the devil.

I quite liked this one. Its the best episode in the film. The special effects were "ok" with some truly stomach churning moments. When the devil eventually surfaces and is let loose from the monastery, he takes chase after the only surviving journalist. When he finally catches up with him, the devil himself looks like a cheap donkey costume with horns on the head, its really comical. Overall though, this one wasn't bad at all.

The final short film, is set in a lake side house in which a group of middle-class teenagers are having a sleepover/party. The camera work is done by one of the kids as they document their exploits. They start playing pranks on each other during the night. During one such prank, a bright light suddenly engulfs the house -- coming from the direction of the lake. The house starts shacking, the lights flicker off, and then suddenly aliens with extremely long fingers burst into the house, and start terrorizing the group of teens. The aliens don't probe the idiot teens, but instead display their staggering ineptitude when it comes to kidnapping. They are within two feet of all of the group many times, but instead of grabbing or fingering them, they lightly stroke them and dance like homos. In the end no one gets fingered, the aliens go away and book some dancing lessons.

At the end of the day, V/H/S/2 is three poorly made low budget short films and one passable one. I hope the current surge of found footage films ends with this terrible example, because the fad is wearing a little thin. Don't be in a rush to see this one.

The NHS keeps getting worse..


Despite being mediocre overall, there are some great gore moments in this film, especially in the monastery episode. The zombie film also produced some good blood spurting and flesh eating moments as well. A solid four gore-bucket film.

V/H/S 2 (2013)

Unlike previous horror anthologies like Creepshow and Trick 'r Treat ,V/H/S 2 fails to deliver on what was a good idea.

Found footage films are usually cheap, low budget affairs, and must be done right to have the desired affect; not many films have achieved this, with the exception of  REC, REC 2, The Blair Witch Project, and The Last Broadcast. V/H/S 2  takes found footage and anthology horror and puts the two together. The result is the horror equivalent of  "You've Been Framed".

The film is basically made up of four found footage shorts, the of which is a tale about a man who has an experimental eye implant that makes him see ghosts, which is all shot in the first person perspective of his eye implant. The hole thing feels like you're playing a survival horror video game, the ghosts look like the ghosts in games like Resident Evil or Silent Hill. The digital interference that keeps cutting into the display of his implant video, is cheap and video game looking. The film just follows him around his house trying to get away from the comically bad looking ghosts that aren't scary at all. Its just a really silly and boring film.

The second film is basically like a bad episode of  The Walking Dead, in which a man (conveniently wearing a helmet cam) sets out on a bike ride through the woods, and is suddenly attacked by a pack of zombies.  To cut a long story short,  he gets bitten, becomes a zombie, and runs around the woods infecting unsuspecting bikers and hikers before taking part in a blood bath at a camp site, where he and the pack of zombie tear apart a group of people celebrating a birthday party. Its all predictable, boring, and some of the acting is truly zombies-like.

This third film is about a team of journalists who go into a monastery school of some kind which is run by mad man. It turns out the loon and his followers are all devil worshipers, and intend to kill all of the journalists, besides a pregnant one, who they intend to use as a sacrifice so the devil.

I quite liked this one. Its the best episode in the film. The special effects were "ok" with some truly stomach churning moments. When the devil eventually surfaces and is let loose from the monastery, he takes chase after the only surviving journalist. When he finally catches up with him, the devil himself looks like a cheap donkey costume with horns on the head, its really comical. Overall though, this one wasn't bad at all.

The final short film, is set in a lake side house in which a group of middle-class teenagers are having a sleepover/party. The camera work is done by one of the kids as they document their exploits. They start playing pranks on each other during the night. During one such prank, a bright light suddenly engulfs the house -- coming from the direction of the lake. The house starts shacking, the lights flicker off, and then suddenly aliens with extremely long fingers burst into the house, and start terrorizing the group of teens. The aliens don't probe the idiot teens, but instead display their staggering ineptitude when it comes to kidnapping. They are within two feet of all of the group many times, but instead of grabbing or fingering them, they lightly stroke them and dance like homos. In the end no one gets fingered, the aliens go away and book some dancing lessons.

At the end of the day, V/H/S/2 is three poorly made low budget short films and one passable one. I hope the current surge of found footage films ends with this terrible example, because the fad is wearing a little thin. Don't be in a rush to see this one.

The NHS keeps getting worse..


Despite being mediocre overall, there are some great gore moments in this film, especially in the monastery episode. The zombie film also produced some good blood spurting and flesh eating moments as well. A solid four gore-bucket film.

American Psycho (2000)

Adapted from the dark and brilliant book of the same name, American Psycho is an ironic, dark, and dam right hilarious social satire.

Its central character, Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale), is a yuppie of 27 in Wall Street in 1986, obsessed with status symbols, self-confessedly as empty of feeling as his gleaming desk top is of honest labour.
He escorts us through his morning agenda of toilet ablutions, bathroom anointment and wardrobe adornments as if man were the sum of his beauty products.

Feeling alienated by his yuppie lifestyle, he embarks on a psychopathic killing spree: murdering colleges, homeless people, animals, and prostitutes.


His wall-flush stainless-steel refrigerator is stocked with a human head, for snacks. Before he teasingly deliberates whether to use chainsaw or nail-gun on his female victims, he treats them to an extended criticism of the CD he feels suits his slaughterous mood. Phil Collins comes off best.

The social satire and subtle critique of the yuppie culture is apparent throughout. Everyone looks the same--perfectly groomed, nice haircuts and expensive suits. They share one interest --money--and that's all they care about. Everyone is having an affair, and getting up all sorts of debauchery in private, but in public they are all respectable, well educated, pillars of society.

However, the facade of respectability is beginning to slip for Patrick Bateman. A detective begins to investigate the disappearance of the college he chopped up with an axe, and his secretory becomes concerned about his erratic behavior.

In the end though, no one suspects him of anything, even after he confesses to his lawyer. Even the detective seems to respect him, and at no point suspects him of foul-play. As far a society is concerned, Patrick Bateman remains a respectable business man. If the film proves anything, its that money talks.

No more Jehovah's witnesses please

The claret is flowing throughout the film. This scene is the best, not just because of the gore, but because of how lucky he was to make the shot with the chainsaw.

 

 

"Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole."  - Patrick Bateman

American Psycho (2000)

Adapted from the dark and brilliant book of the same name, American Psycho is an ironic, dark, and dam right hilarious social satire.

Its central character, Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale), is a yuppie of 27 in Wall Street in 1986, obsessed with status symbols, self-confessedly as empty of feeling as his gleaming desk top is of honest labour.
He escorts us through his morning agenda of toilet ablutions, bathroom anointment and wardrobe adornments as if man were the sum of his beauty products.

Feeling alienated by his yuppie lifestyle, he embarks on a psychopathic killing spree: murdering colleges, homeless people, animals, and prostitutes.


His wall-flush stainless-steel refrigerator is stocked with a human head, for snacks. Before he teasingly deliberates whether to use chainsaw or nail-gun on his female victims, he treats them to an extended criticism of the CD he feels suits his slaughterous mood. Phil Collins comes off best.

The social satire and subtle critique of the yuppie culture is apparent throughout. Everyone looks the same--perfectly groomed, nice haircuts and expensive suits. They share one interest --money--and that's all they care about. Everyone is having an affair, and getting up all sorts of debauchery in private, but in public they are all respectable, well educated, pillars of society.

However, the facade of respectability is beginning to slip for Patrick Bateman. A detective begins to investigate the disappearance of the college he chopped up with an axe, and his secretory becomes concerned about his erratic behavior.

In the end though, no one suspects him of anything, even after he confesses to his lawyer. Even the detective seems to respect him, and at no point suspects him of foul-play. As far a society is concerned, Patrick Bateman remains a respectable business man. If the film proves anything, its that money talks.

No more Jehovah's witnesses please

The claret is flowing throughout the film. This scene is the best, not just because of the gore, but because of how lucky he was to make the shot with the chainsaw.

 

 

"Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole."  - Patrick Bateman

The Thing (1982)

The Thing is one of my favorite horror films, and in my opinion John Carpenters best. The combination of groundbreaking practical special effects, and a great script and cast, make The Thing a true classic. I must have seen the film at least forty times, and every time I've enjoyed it just as much as the first.

The plot follows a scientific research team stationed in Antarctica; who find an alien creature buried in the antarctic ice. Over the course of the film the mysterious creature begins to absorb and duplicate the team members. The tension and suspense builds slowly as the team members begin to suspect each other. They all begin to loose the plot. he The lead scientist of the team, Dr. Blair, completely looses it and destroys all the radios leaving the group stranded.

The one thing that has made the film stand out over the years are the special effects, which still hold there own against today's CGI laden affairs. The animatronics in the film are some of the best ever seen. The only film that comes close to the The Thing in terms of practical effects is Tremors (1990), another classic.

Kirk Russell plays the strongest character, Helicopter pilot M.J. MacReady. Russell's performed is superb. He takes charge towards the end, and using a test devised by the teams doctor, Dr Copper, he forces the elusive creature out into the open. Slowly the remaining team members become victims of The Thing, leaving only two left at the end. The film ends on one of the biggest cliffhangers ever.

Thirty years on and The Thing is just as fresh,exiting, and trilling as ever, and is a must watch, both for horror fans and others alike.

 

Who bought that cheap soap!

There are some great gore effects in the film. The highlights being the transformations of the dogs in the kennels, and Palmer's transformation in the image above. The scene when they all cut their fingers open to draw blood always makes my skin crawl as well.

 

MacReady: If we've got any surprises for each other, I don't think we're in much shape to do anything about it.

Childs: Well, what do we do?

MacReady: Why don't we just... wait here for a little while... see what happens?

The Thing (1982)

The Thing is one of my favorite horror films, and in my opinion John Carpenters best. The combination of groundbreaking practical special effects, and a great script and cast, make The Thing a true classic. I must have seen the film at least forty times, and every time I've enjoyed it just as much as the first.

The plot follows a scientific research team stationed in Antarctica; who find an alien creature buried in the antarctic ice. Over the course of the film the mysterious creature begins to absorb and duplicate the team members. The tension and suspense builds slowly as the team members begin to suspect each other. They all begin to loose the plot. he The lead scientist of the team, Dr. Blair, completely looses it and destroys all the radios leaving the group stranded.

The one thing that has made the film stand out over the years are the special effects, which still hold there own against today's CGI laden affairs. The animatronics in the film are some of the best ever seen. The only film that comes close to the The Thing in terms of practical effects is Tremors (1990), another classic.

Kirk Russell plays the strongest character, Helicopter pilot M.J. MacReady. Russell's performed is superb. He takes charge towards the end, and using a test devised by the teams doctor, Dr Copper, he forces the elusive creature out into the open. Slowly the remaining team members become victims of The Thing, leaving only two left at the end. The film ends on one of the biggest cliffhangers ever.

Thirty years on and The Thing is just as fresh,exiting, and trilling as ever, and is a must watch, both for horror fans and others alike.

 

Who bought that cheap soap!

There are some great gore effects in the film. The highlights being the transformations of the dogs in the kennels, and Palmer's transformation in the image above. The scene when they all cut their fingers open to draw blood always makes my skin crawl as well.

 

MacReady: If we've got any surprises for each other, I don't think we're in much shape to do anything about it.

Childs: Well, what do we do?

MacReady: Why don't we just... wait here for a little while... see what happens?

Contracted (2013)

This films should be used as a sex education video used to shock teenagers into using contraception, because its not very good as a horror film.

Things start off at a party at witch the main character (Samantha) and her annoying friend get very drunk while party hard through the night; with some equally annoying and stereotypical party goers -- the fat guy that everybody likes, the nerd, and the bitch that no one likes. After the party ends Samantha ends up in the back of a car having sex with some mysterious get she met.

A few days pass, and it becomes apparent Samantha is not well. Her annoying and loopy mother doesn't notice the severity of her illness, nor does her incompetent doctor until its too late. Her useless doctor speculates that she has contracted an STD.

Samantha is caught in a love triangle with her girlfriend, her friend, and some guy that keeps hitting on her at work. As her condition worsens, making her body basically rot away-- her eyes turn dark red (making her look like a Twilight vampire), her skin turns dry and grey, her hair turns grey and falls out, and her pussy becomes infested with maggots -- her girlfriend and friend keep their distance, making her turn to the guy.

The dialog throughout the film is awful. Whenever Samantha's friend says something to her, she either says: "what the fuck", "fuck" or "are you ok?". The last and most ridiculous sex scene in the film is no exception with much quotes as: "oh it feels all tingly" and "oh my god you're so wet!". 

The final result of Samantha illness is a cross between a zombie and a vampire with rotten pussy; which, by the end of the film, I feel no sympathy for -- hasn't she heard of hospitals? . The ending is boring and anticlimactic, and will leave you pissing more blood then Samantha did.

I'm allergic to ketchup!

Most of the gore on display is on Samantha's own body -- when it starts to fall to pieces, and when she beats up her annoying friend above.

 

Riley: "Oh god.. you're so wet!"

Riley: "It feels all tingly"