Machete Kills (2013)

I told myself not to take any of Machete Kills seriously before watching. I didn't, and I still struggled thought it, the script was shocking. The film starts with Machete and his partner busting in on a weapons deal between the US army and a Mexican cartel resulting in lots of gunfire and truly shocking dialogue.

Machete is later recruited by the president played by Charlie Sheen, to stop a revolutionary terrorist,who suffers from split personality disorder, from launching an nuclear strike against the US. The rest of the film basically evolves Machete mutilating and killing as many people as possible.

Some of the death scenes are so ridiculous they are actually hilarious, the intestines helicopter death is the best of all. The film is just a showcase of extreme gore and violence with no discernible plot. Just as I thought things couldn't get any worst --Lady Gaga shows up in usual brightly colored attire, attempting to act and failing miserably-- I was even more surprised to see Mel Gibson within a thousand miles of this film.

The one thing that really irritated me was the use of CGI blood everywhere. I mean what happened to practical effects? Even the gunshot wounds were CGI, that's just lazy. Anyway you look at it, lots of explosions and chopping people up doesn't make up for a shocking script, bad acting and ridiculous dialogue. And we still have Machete in Space to look forward to.

Machete Kills (2013)

I told myself not to take any of Machete Kills seriously before watching. I didn't, and I still struggled thought it, the script was shocking. The film starts with Machete and his partner busting in on a weapons deal between the US army and a Mexican cartel resulting in lots of gunfire and truly shocking dialogue.

Machete is later recruited by the president played by Charlie Sheen, to stop a revolutionary terrorist,who suffers from split personality disorder, from launching an nuclear strike against the US. The rest of the film basically evolves Machete mutilating and killing as many people as possible.

Some of the death scenes are so ridiculous they are actually hilarious, the intestines helicopter death is the best of all. The film is just a showcase of extreme gore and violence with no discernible plot. Just as I thought things couldn't get any worst --Lady Gaga shows up in usual brightly colored attire, attempting to act and failing miserably-- I was even more surprised to see Mel Gibson within a thousand miles of this film.

The one thing that really irritated me was the use of CGI blood everywhere. I mean what happened to practical effects? Even the gunshot wounds were CGI, that's just lazy. Anyway you look at it, lots of explosions and chopping people up doesn't make up for a shocking script, bad acting and ridiculous dialogue. And we still have Machete in Space to look forward to.

The Walking Dead Season 4 Episode 7 Review: Dead Weight

The Walking Dead never ceases to be uneven and at times implausible. In this episode we see the Governor, a completely reformed character from the homicidal mad man we saw slaughter the towns folk of  Woodbury the end of the last season, drifting along the back rounds trying to find somewhere to rest his head, and shave off that terrible stick-on beard.

He comes across a family in a small apartment building who take him in for the night. During the next few days the Governor, being the nice guy that he is, helps the family out by doing favors. Like getting a back gammon board for the families old grandpa and an oxygen tank for the old fella because hes dying of lung cancer (he's such a nice guy).

The governor and the family end up in a camp run by a couple of the governor old friends from Woodbury. It isn't long before the governor is back in the thick of things, trying to run the camp and take charge no matter who gets in his way. He seems to have taken the family that he met for his own. His relationship with the women he has known for only a few days resembles that of a long married couple, which is just stupid.

Despite the ridiculous parts, this episodes is not without its graces. The shot were the Governor looks into the lake and the golf scene are highlights. The episode ends on a cliffhanger setting everything up nicely for the mid season finale.

The Dyatlov Pass Incident (2013)

The mysterious Dyatlov pass incident is a true story about a group of nine experienced Russian hikers that were found dead in Urals in 1959. Found in various states of decomposition and mutilated, it is still not known what killed them.

This incoherent mess has nothing if anything to do with the mystery, and is yet another blair witch-style found footage film. A group of students embark on a trip to the area where the incident took place hoping to solve the 50 year old mystery.

The first half of the film basically involves the group of annoying American students arsing around in front of the camera, filming the sky and drinking. Until that is, they find some strange footprints outside their tent...and immediately this group of genius's surmise that it is a yeti.

The group photo before the inevitable..

They press on in their quest to solve the mystery. Which eventually finds them running into the Russian army, cheap CGI mutant creatures, and the Philadelphia experiment? Yes that's right the director of this tripe thought it would a good idea to link together two completely unrelated historical mystery's into the plot.

As if the script wasn't bad enough, the acting was terrible. This muddled up mess of a film is probably the worst found footage horror I've seen so far. The only thing I enjoyed about this film was watching the annoying characters getting killed off one by one.

Considering the director made Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger, I think he should have retired while he was ahead.

The Dyatlov Pass Incident (2013)

The mysterious Dyatlov pass incident is a true story about a group of nine experienced Russian hikers that were found dead in Urals in 1959. Found in various states of decomposition and mutilated, it is still not known what killed them.

This incoherent mess has nothing if anything to do with the mystery, and is yet another blair witch-style found footage film. A group of students embark on a trip to the area where the incident took place hoping to solve the 50 year old mystery.

The first half of the film basically involves the group of annoying American students arsing around in front of the camera, filming the sky and drinking. Until that is, they find some strange footprints outside their tent...and immediately this group of genius's surmise that it is a yeti.

The group photo before the inevitable..

They press on in their quest to solve the mystery. Which eventually finds them running into the Russian army, cheap CGI mutant creatures, and the Philadelphia experiment? Yes that's right the director of this tripe thought it would a good idea to link together two completely unrelated historical mystery's into the plot.

As if the script wasn't bad enough, the acting was terrible. This muddled up mess of a film is probably the worst found footage horror I've seen so far. The only thing I enjoyed about this film was watching the annoying characters getting killed off one by one.

Considering the director made Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger, I think he should have retired while he was ahead.